He kissed a someone with a penis
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up