i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
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i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
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It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?