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I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
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