It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The adults are the big ones right?