and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.