I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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