its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
