remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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