ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
