the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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