how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
