Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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