She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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