I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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