YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
