my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
