Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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