so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
