i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
