Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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