I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
