I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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