He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
