is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
