I feel great
I just peed on a car
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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