It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
