he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
