You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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