Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
