Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
