Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
soo... how was my night?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
