he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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