apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
