her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
