so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
