girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
There's even glitter on my cock...
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