North Korea, Best Korea!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
