Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
