so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize