this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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