I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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