I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Terrible idea I love it
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
