We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
