i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
