I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
