It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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