everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
