I got chris browned last night
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm too high and old for this...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
