don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
