if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
