I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My ass is underappreciated
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
