So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
