The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
