He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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