He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize