Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
