I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
