My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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