in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
