Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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