So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
