talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
