just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
