the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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