So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
