Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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