He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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