Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
