i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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