i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
