writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
