I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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