I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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