If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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