Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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