This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
