Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
if only i could text you this smell
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
