I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
